Another “One of those Days…”

We are just to the cusp of another ONE OF THOSE DAYS…

The days that are we are all supposed to celebrate cheerfully and mindlessly, while so many of us fight back strong emotions.

It’s a beautiful concept right? Celebrating our mothers. Being celebrated as mothers. 

And sometimes, it is just really hard to get to that cheerful, beautiful place of celebration. 

• I think of my dear friend, Iva, who struggles every day to keep the memory of her daughter, Ella, alive. Ella never took a breath in this lifetime. But she was and is and will always be a very real part of Iva’s life. Yet it is awkward to talk about with most people and even those closest to her sometimes struggle to know how to support Iva in loving Ella in the spirit realm, while still being a loving mother to her kiddos here

• My friend, Terra, who is one of the funniest and most stable humans I know. Seriously a fighting mama bear, get things done, no nonsense, rock solid kind of person. Her mother died ten years ago. It is surprising to hear that someone as strong as Terra says she still feels like she is getting punched in the face when she remembers that Leslie isn’t here, isn’t able to participate in the physical lives of her children and grandchildren, isn’t just a phone call away.

• My sweet friend, Forest, who went to the depths after losing four babies to miscarriage… and came back.

• I think of my own children and wonder if I have been a good enough mom. If the love I tried to show them will be enough to make them think of me and want to celebrate me on Mother’s Day… and if that even matters or if it is just another way that our culture sets us up to feel “good enough” or….  
  

Or what…? 

“Bad enough?”

The joy and pain we feel surrounding mothers:

Good mothers and bad mothers

Live mothers and those who have passed

Those who want to be mothers and cannot be

Those who don’t want to be mothers and have to choose which way they will struggle for the rest of their lives…

Our mothers

Our lack of mothers

Ourselves as mothers

Ourselves as something other than mothers

It’s no joke. 

No matter where you are at with your mother, with yourself as a mother, and with Mother’s Day in general, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you are happy, sad or indifferent about the day…

Your feelings are normal and you are good enough. 

Happy Early Mother’s Day from me:

A mother to 4 beautiful live humans and 3 on the other side. 

A daughter to a mom and step-mom who did their best to show me what being a mom looks like. 

A granddaughter to 2 women who I know loved me just for being me.

A midwife to so many amazing mothers with so many amazing stories. 

And a friend to many who have been mothers to me over the years. 

You are beautiful. You are doing a good job. You are enough.